[Edward shrugs one shoulder, looking almost sheepish -- as if he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.]
Not really. But... It's something with weight to it, but not so much that it'd be the second end of the world if it didn't pan out. It had to be something I was willing to risk. I didn't want to go with something... too impactful. In case it didn't happen, or in case it went wrong. And if it did work, it'd be a waste if I went with something frivolous, or something I could easily do myself.
[A beat.] I haven't told anyone that's why. I know how it sounds.
[Edward sighs.] But I know there's this expectation sometimes for wardens to be all... morally intact. Pretty sure that isn't possible any more, back where I'm from. You need a hard streak if you're gonna survive there.
I think it's an inmate expectation, more than fellow wardens. I mean, wardens expect at least a certain level of basic decency from their colleagues of course, but I think it's the inmates who sometimes most strongly feel that it's unfair if a warden too closely resembles themselves by being morally ambiguous. Unless the person is a graduated inmate, then it's okay.
Not about any wardens. I sometimes thought it unfair I was an inmate, but that's a bit different.
I think...even though I'm not from a world like yours, I had to grow hard to survive. Different reasons for it, and maybe went too far. But there were times as an inmate I thought to myself, "Surely I'm not that bad. I'm a good-ish person, aren't I? No worse than most?"
[Edward drums his fingers on his knee for a moment.]
When I spoke to my inmate for this month, he asked if I knew anything about how to graduate. And even though I've been here for a little while, if I'm entirely honest, I still can't make heads or tails of it. There's no how-to for any of this, on either side of the line. And people don't typically talk openly about it. Probably because it's so personal, but it's not exactly helpful for the people who are still inmates, or for the new wardens.
If I wanted to put something together -- interviews, I guess, and some kind of writing compiling the information -- Would you be willing to share your experience for it?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
undisguised) wrote2022-08-27 09:17 pm
no subject
no subject
Not really. But... It's something with weight to it, but not so much that it'd be the second end of the world if it didn't pan out. It had to be something I was willing to risk. I didn't want to go with something... too impactful. In case it didn't happen, or in case it went wrong. And if it did work, it'd be a waste if I went with something frivolous, or something I could easily do myself.
[A beat.] I haven't told anyone that's why. I know how it sounds.
no subject
[It makes more sense to him than honour does, although he knows on a theoretical level how honour can motivate some people.]
no subject
[Edward sighs.] But I know there's this expectation sometimes for wardens to be all... morally intact. Pretty sure that isn't possible any more, back where I'm from. You need a hard streak if you're gonna survive there.
no subject
no subject
no subject
I think...even though I'm not from a world like yours, I had to grow hard to survive. Different reasons for it, and maybe went too far. But there were times as an inmate I thought to myself, "Surely I'm not that bad. I'm a good-ish person, aren't I? No worse than most?"
no subject
When I spoke to my inmate for this month, he asked if I knew anything about how to graduate. And even though I've been here for a little while, if I'm entirely honest, I still can't make heads or tails of it. There's no how-to for any of this, on either side of the line. And people don't typically talk openly about it. Probably because it's so personal, but it's not exactly helpful for the people who are still inmates, or for the new wardens.
If I wanted to put something together -- interviews, I guess, and some kind of writing compiling the information -- Would you be willing to share your experience for it?
no subject